Katmagic

39891349_2059310557421190_1190787602735693824_oShe said beforehand she will visit me at the UST Hospital where I was confined during my heart treatment.. but the weather never cooperated – Habagat is wrecking havoc here there and everywhere in Metro Manila. But she did fulfilled her promise – we still met before I went back home in Iloilo City on August 15,2018. When the Queen promised – come habagat & highwaters.. she fulfills. The reigning Queen of Filipino Funk-Jazz-Rock-Blues Fusion, singer-songwriter par excellence – the one & only Kat Agarrado.

Ofcourse, mostly knew her as the artist. But who really is Kat? Sino nga ba talaga si Kat? .. back in those Multiply.com days ( remember this before Facebook dominated the social media scene?), I happened to see this Sinosikat? fan page – explored their music and from thereafter I became their number one fan. When I had my FB account nine years ago, I searched for SINOSIKAT? fan page to continue my music connections with the band & their musical journey.  Just to make chances only,  I added Kat herself in my friends list .. and she did accepted my friends request ! The rest is history now.

I admit, I always thought that celebrities like Kat is just like some all other celebrities who are seems unreachable coz of their star-like milkyway status.. so, just like any ordinary fan, I only just follows her whenever she have updates on her timeline.. making some comments and emoticons on her photos and music videos.  Kat wasn’t such star-crazed celebrity who are too blinded by the limelight and her superstar status.

I never expected this even in my dreams but on the 15th of August, a few days after I was discharged from UST Hospital,  I finally met her.. she is not just enchantedly beautiful but I can see her inner beauty radiates deep down from within. I can feel her soul, her kind & compassionate heart and positive wisdom. She is so down-to-earth that when she  talks I felt it seems I’m just talking to a favorite cutie pamangkin or a lovely-dovey daughter. 

And why I am giving much attention to Kat and her music? .. coz im her number one fan.. in my life and beyond.

Her musical career path is going to be as colorful more than it is expected, more than what she deserves.  She is blessed and gifted with much talents only given to some rare few.

.. and this is just the starting point of a beautiful journey.

Recalling my own Near Death Experience (NDE) .

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I admit, more than four years have passed since my NDE, I became so human again. I feel the same pains like anyone does. I am depressed recalling those days I was in the ICU at Iloilo Mission Hospital after I miraculously survived a fatal cardiac arrest & was clinically dead. My whole health condition was extremely critical & full of uncertainties. Laying helplessly in the ICU, I was already administered the sacrament of extreme unction ( the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick, a Catholic rites which is administered both to the dying and to those who are gravely ill ) I can still feel the needle pains both in my swollen arms which I have to endure each day my IV lines need to be re-inserted due to dislodged IV lines… I can’t even hardly sit longer than a…

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Tricia Barker

Free yourself from the psychological structure of society, which is to free yourself from the essence of conflict. –Jiddu Krishnamurti Disconnection: There’s no disconnection like real disconnection. Leaving the body behind during my near-death experience gave me a perspective that I never imagined possible as an agnostic. I carried none of my wounds to other […]

 

via Additional Lessons From My NDE:  Disconnection, Doing Your Best, and Adding Goodness to the World — Tricia Barker

Makasarili — siKat

Sasabihin ko sayo ang tungkol sa mga taong makasarili. Kahit alam nilang sasaktan ka lang nila, maglalakad sila sa buhay mo para matikman ka, dahil ikaw ang klase ng tao na ayaw nilang mapalampas. Masyado kang makinang para di ka maramdaman. ‘Pag nakita na nila ang lahat ng ikaw at lahat ng kaya mong ibigay. […]

via Makasarili — siKat

“..one day, when I become an Angel, I will take care of you too…” ~Chirady Mae Reyes +March 10,1986 – April 25,2011

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On one occasion, Chirady was confined then at Iloilo Mission Hospital which a few months back, she was diagnosed with fourth stage leukemia, she sent me this text message [stated above] – the message was intended for us, her colleague at Bank of the Philippines Islands . One of my visits to her at the hospital was on late afternoon of April 24,2011, I fetched a priest to bless her according to Catholic rites per her own request- not knowing that was will be our last moment seeing each other. On early morning the next day, I received a message from her mom that Chirady finally went home peacefully in Paradise.
 
Some two months after, June 1,2011, I had a sudden fatal cardiac arrest – I was clinically dead at Iloilo Mission Hospital too and medically with a slim chance of survival, having flat line, no brain activity, dilated pupils and no vital sign of life.. but miraculously I was revived back to life… Angel Chi fulfilled her angelic promise that the day came – & she indeed took care of me as I am dying at the emergency room at Iloilo Mission Hospital. I knew, and I felt her presence, her angelic Divinity, ONE with the Light, who was with me all along my ordeal, a familiar voice softly reverberated saying “ one day, when I become an angel, I will take care of you too.”
 
One afternoon on April 25th 2015 at 14:02 PM , the 4th year death anniversary of Chirady’s material being, I was writing a note on my FB message timeline, something unusual happened – but this is just an ordinary occurrences to me now and maybe still strange to someone else. I felt her presence and I knew Chirady visted me that very moment – & thru a sign, a handy flashlight I always keep with me in my desk just beside my bed, lighted up on it’s own . Like I said, this is just a normal occurrence to me now… anyone may have different explanation or interpretation about this but my humble opinion if i believe in her presence… absolutely yes, I believed.
 
The day will surely come, when my borrowed second life is over and my earthly mission is finally done, I am going back home also – One with Light once again, in a place we once call Heaven- but now I call it HOME, a place in Heavenly paradise where Chirady resides now.

The Door.

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June 2,2011, 3AM,  day 2 at the Iloilo Mission Hospital-ICU after I survived a fatal cardiac arrest  the day  I was declared clinically dead.   I was  still in a very unstable & critical condition for the past three days but worrying about my medical condition, even dying at any point in time that moment  was never ever a concern for me. 

I dreamed I was driving a very fast vehicle similar to a racing car but I can no longer have any appropriate description what kind of a fast craft was that today,  & then I reached a place, seems I felt our home ( but our own home  back then was much different than this one) . I hurriedly went to the main door and opened the door knob but was locked from the inside… I knocked several times & I wanted to go in with much urgent desire – I was forcing to open the knob until I heard a voice – a familiar caring soft voice, telling me: ” please don’t come in yet ”- the voice was from my mom, (she passed away some years ago)… then I woke up, called the ICU nurse because I was having heart palpitations.  She checked my vital signs monitor, the IV lines, etc.  & made sure All is alright. 

The exact time was 3 AM … then & I smelled the aroma of a soothing fragrance and I felt a familiar caring embrace from a gentle waive of thin air .

I was thirsty & hungry so I asked for something to eat & the nurse gave me a hot cereal drink …then, after that, the nurses settled me back comfortably in my bed.

I miss my mom so much… with tears streaming down my cheeks, I peacefully went back to sleep hoping to dream of her again.

Dear Diary : Sept.4,2015

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Dear Diary , 

entry 1:   I opened my FB Timeline today at around  8AM,  the same time I switched on the TV  each day for some news updates what’s going on around .  

entry 2:   As usual , what’s on the TV is almost the same as what I am reading on my newsfeed  ( yes, I need to keep updated with the latest viral social trends too, including the latest movies, music & updates about *ALDUB  (*ALDUB is a local TV show which is the “talk of the town”  trending on the social media here today ) 

entry 3:    I am happy ‘coz the first post I’ve read was from my musician friend Nicole Laurel Asensio about her live interviews with CNN Philippines and ANC for her “SCHIZOPRANO”  debut Album Launching.  I also have to post birthday greetings to all celebrants appearing on the right page corner.  

entry 4:   Some posts started to popped up one after the other… there are funny thoughts, simple but inspirational insights starts pouring in. I always enjoyed these daily way of life which, so ordinary most of us seldom noticed it’s just all recurring daily life cycles . A friend sharing her pretty selfies, a cute teen on the motorbike with lots of comments from her mostly  relatives & friends saying to take extra precautions which I myself posted to say ” you have to wear protective gears always when driving a motorcycle for safety “. I always appreciate this kind of caring reminders.

entry 5:   Then a post about the refugees fleeing from Syria heading to Europe or to any country who can become their refuge. The photos attached made me so terribly sad especially the kid who drowned and two kids have their feet amputated.  The story and photos is unbearable if one has a compassionate heart.  This is too much to bear and it is very sad that these things are happening right under our very own noses, anywhere in all four corners of the world. We have our own domestic concerns too.  Name it and we have it  and I don’t have to enumerate everything ‘cos this will just consumed every spaces available here.

entry 6:   FB is a one-stop-shop  for all information, name it, we can find it here – nothing to search and it just popped up in your timeline. Of course I miss friends who once where active on sharing anything on their timelines but no longer or rarely seen online now. I myself, have many times planned to deactivate my own FB account but the page I am one of the admin prevented me to do so.

entry 7:   Admittedly I cannot read everything on my newsfeed … because the systems can pumped up so many kind of posts faster than how I scrolled up and down the mouse.

entry 8:   And by the way… I am so sorry but I never accept games invites from anyone. 

My Miniature Globe.

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When I was a kid, I am always fascinated by  this globe, the one we have in our school classroom.  I promised myself then to have this too.  I started savings money from my meager daily school allowance to fulfill my dream.  Oftentimes I have to skip snacks just to save any amount .  That was so long ago and  I forget all about it as years passed, until one day, just a few months ago, I saw this miniature globe & only realized I was not able to fulfill my own promise to myself when I was in the fourth grade.

Today, I am a proud owner of this mini globe – one of my cherished priceless possession, a dream I had when I was a small kid … …& now it’s a dream come true.

Dear Diary : August 28,2015 ; Friday 9:59 AM

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Dear Diary,

entry 1. I woke up with a heavy heart this morning. My medical O2 kit is ever ready at my side including my emergency bag.

entry 2. I understand from the very start that when I opened up about my death & afterlife experience I am expecting so many rough road ahead along my journey. Aside from lots of ridicules, mockery & derision thrown at me.  I already have enough of all of these… I suffered much about this…the uncertainties of my heart ailment, how to cope with all of these everyday  has intensified into a full blown storm.   Yes, I choose to walked the hard road because this is the only road I can  travel in my journey back Home … & no one, not anyone can ever assumes I can see two roads to choose. There is no more choices. 


entry 3. Often times I am misunderstood by anyone. This is what I get after my death experience – coming back to life is not easy at all, my being so sensitive in everything & anything is often misinterpreted as a negative attitude. I never asked for this having a second life… & I feel tired and sick in seeking and finding  the “mission” I need to fulfill but still I have to move on even I need to crawl , even my own sweat & blood become tears. 


entry 4. I opted to stay in bed rather than proceed to the ER again, I’m scared of those needles now. I just take my medicines & have my medical O2 lines breathing apparatus just to sustain whatever life my mortal body can endure.


entry 5. Sleeping became a luxury for me & never  an escape from all of these. This is my sanctuary, and my refuge.  It’s when I am in deep slumber  that I can feel I am nearer to Home, a dimension  where I no longer have to fear about needles – &  will never ever  feel the pains of having a heavy heart again.

Recalling my own Near Death Experience (NDE) .. & beyond.

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I admit, for many years have passed since my NDE, I became so human again. I feel the same pains like anyone does. I am depressed recalling those days I was in the ICU at Iloilo Mission Hospital after I miraculously survived a fatal cardiac arrest & was clinically dead. My whole health condition was extremely critical & full of uncertainties. Laying helplessly in the ICU, I was already administered the sacrament of extreme unction ( the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick, a Catholic rites which is administered both to the dying and to those who are gravely ill ) I can still feel the needle pains both in my swollen arms which I have to endure each day my IV lines need to be re-inserted due to dislodged IV lines… I can’t even hardly sit longer than a minute ‘coz I am so drowsy. I am so helpless like a baby  ( yes, I am almost like a baby  coz I wore a disposable diaper & has to be changed regularly for a fresh one by a nurse.)    I am literally wired from my chest  down my  legs for my cardio & vital signs monitors.  Until today, I am scared like a small kid just seeing an IV needle.  Until today, various maintenance medicines is already part of my daily  living  which I understand is just a temporal remedy to sustain my  life particularly my heart injury.  Yes, having an NDE is not easy. Many times I wished it never happened to me at all…of course I am so happy I am back with my family and gained more friends .

But I have to accept reality now. The hardest part after I came back to my human life is acceptance.  Having a glimpsed of the afterlife,  in my own state of consciousness, expanded spiritual awareness,  & absolute euphoria of being at Home with the Light in Paradise, & now I’m back in my human material being again, is so hard to admit  & accept.  

Everyone might not  be able to comprehend what I am saying  right now. I myself cannot even fully express how and why all of this things happened to me.  Like everyone else, my human mind is so limited to understand and comprehend why all of this extraordinary things are happening. Everything were just seems a dream to me now… a reality that I never have the option to forget  in my remaining temporal life time, uncertain when I am going back with the Light again. 

I woke up late today, I was not able to sleep well last night thinking about why I need to write about this experience repeatedly.  I need to say this again, that I never told a story – I never did, because what I wrote was a testimony .  All will be meaningless if I undergone all of these, died a sudden death, have a glimpsed of the afterlife , miraculously came back to life & suffered all the pains the world can give- and all I did was tell everyone tales about dragons & fairytales ?  Death is one of the most “avoided” word or topic in our human world.  We have this human involuntary nature to self preservation – we are afraid if we get sick, we are so concerned if we are simply wounded, etc., but in reality,  we are afraid to die. Most of us, wish and hope to live in Heaven & Paradise , but admittedly, no one wanted to go there ahead but we tend to forget that  death is the one and only Gateway to Heaven & Paradise.

I am not here to preach any doctrine, but I wish to ask, where is really Heaven & Paradise ?  … is it up there?  Our own religion(s)  taught us the path … but  which way ? … I am a Christian & we can say it is clearly written in the book  – precisely it IS written as it was in the beginning in all other religious doctrines. Anyone can read the good news in every Holy Books ( of all Religions) , but we cannot ever find  the real location of Heaven & Paradise in there .

Heaven is in one’s heart.  Paradise is inside in each of our hearts. Each of us has it’s own faith…then believe in your faith.  Live according to what your faith is teaching you.  In every spiritual doctrines, LOVE is always the answer. 

…& this is just the beginning of the first chapter of my (second) life.